Thursday, August 25, 2011
“I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the LORD.” (Ps. 40:1-3)
These verses were a portion of my reading today. You know when you read something and you know God is working? I mean, your head may have the basic knowledge that God is everywhere and in charge of everything, but then there are just those times. The times where you're struggling and God turns the pages of his word to the exact reference you needed to hear, and you have to make a quick survey of your living room to find the kleenex.
I've been struggling lately, but I don't have anything specific that I'm struggling with, which is more than a little annoying. It would be worth getting upset over financial problems, marital problems, or anything else in that vein, but when you're just simply in a bad mood and you don't know why, there's really no point in complaining. At least that's how I've been looking at it up until yesterday. Yesterday brought the breaking point, where I realized I was really struggling and I was tired of faking it. I was tired of answering "Fine! Good! Great!" when people asked how I was. I was seeing the effects of this broken world in which we reside in my day to day living, and taking it out on my family. I was a wreck, acting needy and broken, and I refused to acknowledge that fact.
I asked for prayers of encouragement in my Facebook status, explaining that the 'old nature' was getting in my way, becoming a harsh reality. I received the following comment: "Are you digging up that corpse and thinking that's who you still are? That old you is dead and buried. God already looks at you and sees Jesus." At my first reading this, I thought it seemed a little harsh. I didn't want to hear that, just a reassurance that people were praying for me and I could 'buck up, kiddo!' I didn't take the time to think about what that means until later that night. God doesn't see me, my shortcomings, my failures, my worldly triumphs. He sees the One who lived perfectly, who gave up glory to become nothing, who covers me with his love and mercy and eradicates the sin I was living in. God looks at me and sees perfection.
Someone once described the existence of sin in a redeemed person's life this way: it's like you wake up in a metal cage, where you can see the grass and sky through the bars. You see the hardness of the metal, the impenetrable force keeping you from freedom. You get so fixated on the hopelessness of this sin that you forget to turn around and see that the door is open. You have been freed already, ready to walk out and live.
After being brought to the point of brokenness, God showed me that I cannot get through this without him. Now I'm ready to walk out and live.
Photos by Sinsear Photography
Dress: Converse brand from Plato's Closet resale, $6
Shoes: Charlotte Russe, $10
Earrings: Icing by Claire's, $5
On lips: NYC Lipstain in Rock On Ruby, $4