I'm a recent addition to the "Addicted to Mad Men" crowd. The series just popped up on Netflix, and since we don't have cable, that's pretty much my only way of seeing the series. A couple years late? Yes, but I don't mind in the least. A theme I've noticed so far (in the whole whopping 4 episodes I've seen), besides the fact that this show is a minefield for style inspiration, is regarding the main character, Don Draper. His public persona exudes the type of confidence that most people would kill to have. He is enigmatic, exciting, successful, and sexy. He never shows to the outside world the truth: he is broken. His life is built on appearance, while his destructive behaviors and habits threaten to pull his life apart. His relationship with his wife and family is strained, he has no real connections to other people, and he gives off a slight hint of self-loathing.
I wish I could say that Don and I have nothing in common. I want to tell you that my life is always wonderful, that my husband and I don't ever disagree, that my faith in God is never shaken, and that I am confident of the new creation that he has transformed me into. But honestly, most days that is not the case. Usually, the days I seem the most put together, when I have my red lipstick on or my eyeliner perfectly smudged are the days that I'm specifically putting together the appearance that everything is OK. I don't want to answer the question, "Is everything OK?" because then I'd have to explain why the answer is no. So, I stand in front of my closet, pick and choose the exact pieces that camouflage my flaws and hide my weaknesses, pore over my embarrassingly large collection of eyeshadows until I find the right shade, and pick through my selection of shoes until I have found the outfit that displays exactly what I want it to display.
I don't want to turn this post into a chance to complain about my life. I am extremely blessed with what God has given me, and it is pure selfishness that makes me want to disobey the command to "rejoice in the LORD, always." I just want to be honest. My life is not perfect. My daughter is not always clothed in matching outfits, or sometimes at all. My relationship with God is nowhere near where I want it to be. Most of my decisions tend to be fueled by the little ball of insecurity that makes up all that is Grace.
That being said, God is good. The sins I regret and the ones I still struggle with have been taken care of! My insecurities can in no way measure up to the beautiful vision that God sees when He looks at me. I am loved, cherished, cared for, and forgiven. I was counted as worthy to "participate in the Divine nature," and there can be no more amazing statement than that. I am a masterpiece in progress, as is every single one of His children.
Shirt: American Eagle from Plato's Closet, $6
Shorts: Gap, thrifted, $8
Shoes: Payless, $8 (old)
Scarf: Wal-Mart, $5 (old)
Earrings: Wal-Mart, $2
Necklace: Dollar Jewelry Store, $1
*On a lighter note, tomorrow Lexi and I are getting on a plane to Chicago! We're headed to my cousin's wedding in Madison, WI, which should be a lot of fun. Any tips for flying solo with a toddler would be greatly appreciated!*